Dear Friends,
As I sit here writing this heart felt message to my friends I’ve met and those I haven’t, I’m a little sad.
I’m thinking about all of you that I know who have shared how unhappy you are with their lives; how frustrated and angry you are that you’ve put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own for so many years. You are smart, passionate, powerful women with a lot still to offer from formal education and life experience who are such treasures to those who know and love you.
And yet, you’re suffering, you’re feeling lost. I know how that feels.
I came from an unintentionally privileged background. I was born and raised in Guam. At the time my family lived there, there were no grocery stores or department stores where you could buy what you needed, much less what you wanted. So, instead, we traveled. And, so did most of the other people we associated with. I was privileged to visit places like Australia, the Philippines, Jakarta and the rest of the Pacific Islands by the time I was 9. I was sent off-island to boarding schools from the time I was 13. My parents bought land so that I would be taken care of in my “golden” years.
So I went through ivy league schools, lived a certain lifestyle and had the expectation that I would have that lifestyle as I got older.
Then one day, in the space of a breath, all that was gone. And I don’t mean harder to get to because of a problem with the stock market or something, I mean gone, kaput, never to be regained. My mother died and for some reason kn own only to herself and God, disinherited me. Suddenly, the life I was expecting to live was no longer available to me. Not only that, but I was homeless, with only the clothes on my back, tossed out to live for three weeks in a park waiting for a shelter bed and hiding from the police at night trying to avoid the sprinklers.
It was during this time I recognized that for the first time in my life, I was free; truly free. I was no one’s daughter, no one’s mother, no one’s employee; I was a blank slate. Without my roles to define me, who the hell was I? Good question.
It was also during this time that I came up with the concept of Oughta-Pilots. I’d given up all control over my daily life to someone else and it hadn’t worked out very well, to say the least.
From that point to today, I have been building, creating, carving and hacking out a life of my own making where I am the only one responsible, no matter what happens. I am conscious. I disconnected my external Oughta-Pilots and stepped up and out. I admit, I still have some internal OP’s that I’m dealing with, but it’s getting easier with the help of mentors, friends and loved ones. who know what my dream is.
What I want to tell you is this, plain and simple: you are in control of your life. You are the only one who can determine what happens next for you. If you’re feeling bewildered, I understand, it’s a big life and for those of you, like me, who have something big inside you to do, it’s just plain scary. But we can tackle it together. You are not living in a vacuum. As a new mentor of mine, David Neagle, says, you have to do it by yourself, but you can’t do it alone.
Let me share the journey with you and be there to steady you if you’re uncertain. I’ve said for years that living a created life isn’t easy, but when you have someone on your side and in your corner, it’s a whole lot easier!
As always, with love,
DeBorah
