Disconnecting Your Oughta-Pilot – Starting Over Part IV

Are you following what others say you “oughta” do? Or are you doing what your own heart and gut tell you you should be doing? Stop living the life others want you to have. Follow your OWN path. Write down your goals. Studies have revealed that people who write down their goals are five times more likely to achieve them. When would you like to start a new career? Go back to school? Leave your job? How much money would you like to have saved? Set goals, and work backwards to achieve them.

Visualize your success.

Create a vision of what you desire and write it down. I have found that people who create visions are most likely to experience them. Ask questions like “What will (your vision) look like? If it’s a business of your own, what will your office look like? What’s the view out the window? When you get into your new car, how does it feel? How does it smell? What radio station are you listening to or is it a CD. All these things are important to the dream-building process. If you can’t visualize something because it’s outside your experience, try finding it somewhere and go be there. At one stage in my life, I had never had a new car; always hunk-o’-junks that were on their last legs. I wanted a new car, specifically a Colt Hatchback (at that time). I went down to the Dodge dealership and took the car I lusted after for a test drive. While I was driving, I pretended the salesman with me was a friend of mine and we were on our way to a business meeting. When I got home, I wrote down every detail I could remember from how the car smelled to how the seats felt to how the radio button was an irritation because it was so small and I’d make sure the next car I got didn’t have that. 6 months later, I was driving that same car and it was mine. Paid for and loved.

Say yes to your dreams

Say yes to your dreams and desires. You don’t have to know at this moment what you will do or how you will do it. Simply acknowledge the inner voice that’s been nudging you to do “something new”.. Write “Yes! I accept my desires!” on a big piece of paper, put it somewhere you’ll see it every day  just to remind yourself that you are doing something. Start a journal. Use it daily to write down your ideas, goals, feelings and whatever is going on in your life. Keeping a journal helps you get to know yourself better, and you’ll see your progress when you look back. My journal has been  especially helpful to me when I was scared and could read about times when I felt confident. Even those challenges that I journaled about, when reading them later, seemed lighter, easier and sometimes silly when I revisited them.

Evaluate your beliefs.

Grab a sheet of paper and write your beliefs about yourself, money, and the future on the left hand side.  See if these beliefs reflect what you want to believe. If not, write your edited beliefs on the right, and add them to your affirmations. One of the best affirmations I’ve ever used I got from a friend I met at an event two years ago. Gwynne Warner of Ten Thousand Blessings Feng Shui shared this one.  I’m sure you can use it as well:

“The tide of Destiny has turned and now everything comes my way.”

You may find that what you hold near and dear may actually have been someone else’s beliefs you adopted somewhere along the line and you can let them go now.

Do what you love.

Discover and clarify what you want to do as an entrepreneur, an artist or even as a person. If you don’t know what you love to do, think back to what you loved to do as a child. When I was little, I loved to perform and entertain people. Now, I’m doing what I love again;  giving seminars that make a difference in people’s lives.
Do something you would do in your dream life every day.

“Act As If” – How many times have you heard and discounted this phrase? It isn’t always easy, I know. Be gentle with yourself and take small steps. Think of turning a cruise ship instead of a speedboat – tiny changes make a smooth turn. The Japanese have a tradition they call Kaizen, making small changes to effect big changes. If you change one thing; even if it’s teeny tiny, every day, before long you’ll be really surprised at how it transforms your whole world.

Be Afraid — Be Very Afraid!

Go out and scare yourself. Are you afraid of doing something, saying something or going somewhere? Do it anyway! Take a buddy if you need to, but do it.  Being afraid and doing it anyway builds courage and confidence. One of my clients made up the maxim “I’m afraid, and?!” to help her take action and challenge herself to do things that scare her. You probably won’t go out and do whatever it is you dream of perfectly the first time out of the gate. My friend Stephan Stavrakis says to go out and “suck a lot” in the beginning to get the bugs worked out. The only way you will acquire mastery is practice, practice, practice. Spend time in nature — get your hands in the earth to ground yourself. Do some gardening, or take a walk on the beach, though a park or in the forest. Fresh air and sunshine and a view of natural beauty is always comforting when we’re stressed.

Accept all your feelings.

Feelings like vulnerability, uncertainty, doubt, fear and insecurity are all normal and expected, but they’ll pass. Create a positive inner dialog with yourself, and talk about your feelings with a trusted friend. Remind yourself that you are perfect just the way you are, that you’re safe and all is just as it’s supposed to be.

Finish unfinished business.

Make a list of things that bother you and need to be completed, repaired or finalized. Make room for your new life by finishing the things on your list one by one. Knowledge is power. Take classes or attend seminars in person or online to learn the nuts and bolts of your new life. When I wanted to start doing textile design and my own line of clothing, the first thing I did was take a design class for textiles at a local community college.

Accept and believe compliments.

When people first told me they enjoyed my presentations, I didn’t believe them. Over time, I accepted and believed the compliments and built my confidence about my speaking abilities.

Acknowledge your gifts.

Recognize and acknowledge your gifts and special talents. What would you like to do even if you weren’t paid for it?

Give up excuses.

If you hear yourself making excuses, write them down and become consciously aware of them. Then consciously change that excuse into a positive affirmation. Remember, watch your mouth, your subconscious is listening.
Eliminate negativity. Become aware of when and why you say “I can’t,” and change it to an open-ended question like “How can I?”

Accept confusion.

Confusion is part of the process of starting over. Write about it in your journal, talk about it with friends, and know that it will pass. What we resist persists. Know there is no “right” time or “right way” to do what you dream. All we have is 24 hours a day. Period. Just like everyone else.
Say no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes.

Next time you’re asked to do something, say yes or no depending on what you really want to do. If you’re undecided, say so. People will respect your choice and your forthright answer.

Avoid self-judgment.

If you hear yourself saying things like “That’s a stupid idea,” gently remind yourself that you’re choosing to accept yourself as you are.

Stay out of overwhelm.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, write down what situation, thought or feeling prompted you to feel that way. Do this each time you are overwhelmed until you see patterns develop and then decide what action you need to take to stay out of overwhelm.

Expect resistance.

You can expect to feel resistance within yourself as well as from those around you. Work through the “I don’t wanna’s” by acknowledging them and doing what you need to do anyway. I remember feeling excited about leading my first workshop, something I had never done before. The night before the session, the excitement turned to reluctance and fear. I felt the reluctance, got through it, and have been leading workshops ever since. I know it’s been said before, but remember, “What you resist persists!

Answer your “what ifs.”

What if it doesn’t work out? What if I don’t make any money? Use your journal to write down your what ifs, and answer them. For example, to answer “What if I don’t make any money?” you may respond, “I can get a part-time job while building my business.”How well you answer the questions will show you how prepared you are for what you say you want to do.

Practice patience.

Next time you’re in a traffic jam or waiting in a line, practice patience.

Kick your Personal D.J. in the you-know-what.

I’ve seen clients miss opportunities when they turned down or did not pursue projects because they listened to their Personal D.J. playing old tapes that said they didn’t have the right skills, the right brochure or the right product. The next time you feel compelled to turn down an opportunity, figure out what would be necessary for you to accept it. Realize that you know enough to grab that opportunity today.

Ask for help.

When you’re most challenged and least likely to ask for help, reach out and ask.
That’s the time you need it most. I can attest to the power and clarity that comes from asking for help
when we least want to ask for it.

Trust your instincts.

Others may tell you that you’re crazy for giving up a good job or for starting a business. But no one knows you as well as you. Trust what you know, and take action accordingly. The more you act on your instincts, the more instinctive you will become. Trusting my instincts led me to become the person I am today. Treat yourself with TLC. Seek to meet your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional needs by finding balance in all you do.